Last night i couldn’t sleep. My mind just wouldn’t be quiet and let me rest. I tiptoed down the hall trying not to wake up my husband. I turned on the TV, shuffled through the channels but nothing caught my attention. In the loneliness of the dark family room the struggle within me seemed to get stronger, louder and more confusing. I began to pray. At first I went down my normal prayer check list (come on you know you have one too) but I still felt restless. Then instead of talking I sat in listened. I listened to the words my own voice was saying. I heard repeat of words spoken by others to me. I even heard words that were never spoken but my mind imagined might be said to me or about me. The conversation was long and hard.
I was tired and just wanted to go to bed but couldn’t. Not yet. I picked up my bible from the shelve and began just thumbing the pages. I knew He would speak to me through His Word but I didn’t know where to began. I found the pages opened to Genesis 28. A familiar story. I read about Jacob wrestling with God. I knew how he had asked for his blessing. I remembered the stairway or ladder but I didn’t understand why this was the story He lead me to. I read it 2 or 3 times and finally, inexplicably, I was calm and ready to sleep.
This morning I woke up from a dream that I want to share.
In the dream I am standing at the bottom of a large staircase. All I see is stairs. As I look around there are multiple staircases. Some of the staircases are simply wooden stairs, while others were marble. I could’t see the top of any of them. I take a couple steps up one after another while asking “God am I moving in the right direction?” “Am I taking the steps I need to take to do all You are calling me to do.”
I really needed answers. I really wanted to know which staircase was “mine” I continued to move from one to the other wondering which one to take. As anxiety and panic began to set in I heard a gentle voice remind me that I only needed to seek Him. I didn’t need to be looking to advance up to the next tread, I just need to stand firm where I was until He moved me.